


Auld Lang Syne (A Cynic's NYE)

by leahsmindpalace



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: Enjolras Has Feelings, Grantaire Has Feelings, Grantaire Has Issues, Grantaire Rants, Grantaire being Grantaire, House Party, M/M, New Year's Eve, New Year's Fluff, Paris (City), Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Pining Enjolras, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 06:33:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17239202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leahsmindpalace/pseuds/leahsmindpalace
Summary: New Years Eve, for Grantaire, was without a doubt the saddest night of the year. Everyone buzzed with promise, eyes full of hope at the dawn of a new beginning and a fresh start. They looked on to something brand new and full of goals, ambitions, and positive change.Not Grantaire, while everyone was looking at the beggining, he was looking at the end.





	Auld Lang Syne (A Cynic's NYE)

**Author's Note:**

> I have some very cynical and probably sad thoughts of New Years Eve so I'm expressing them through a character in hopes that someone might at least enjoy it if I can't.  
> Enjoy!

The sound of the old familiar song bellowed proudly from inside the small apartment where, for some godless reason, there were around forty-five people. Grantaire takes another drag of his cigarette before putting it out and throwing the butt of it on the ground, crossing his arms. It was a lot colder than he anticipated, and the sounds of party favors honking incessantly and the thundering drunken shout of 'Happy New Year!' weren't making things any better.

He was so beyond wrong in thinking that he could come to this party and not be affected. Courfeyrac told him he didn't have to come, that they'd all understand if he couldn't. But he wanted to, to prove it to everyone and to himself that he could go to a simple party and not feel any urge to drink. He'd been sober for four months and it still near physically pained him every time a well-meaning stranger offered him a drink to cheer him up, not knowing that that was exactly the reason why he felt like a bag of garbage. One of the reasons, anyway. It was also the fact that Enjolras didn't show up to the party, and wasn't there to at the very least entertain him. Instead he had been surrounded by couples waiting for the opportunity to seal the year with a kiss and begin the new one with bliss.

New Years Eve, for Grantaire, was without a doubt the saddest night of the year. Everyone buzzed with promise, eyes full of hope at the dawn of a new beginning and a fresh start. They looked on to something brand new and full of goals, ambitions, and positive change  
Not Grantaire, while everyone was looking at the beggining, he was looking at the end. He saw it as the conclusion of another wasted year. Another year where he couldn't stay healthy or stable in any respect.

One of his demons was comparing himself to others, and it was shit because he never measured up. This year Courf and Ferre had gotten engaged, Jehan had gotten to perform at THE most prestigious poetry event in Paris, Joly had received an award from the hospital he worked at; these were just a few of the accomplishments his friends had achieved. Grantaire was happy for them, he really was, but he'd always felt so incredibly far behind his peers, especially since he was the oldest of the bunch.  
He wanted a drink so bad, but rejected himself as he lit up another cigarette.

 

"Not very festive of you." He hears a voice behind him suddenly and he startled, turning around quickly to see Enjolras standing behind him. "Alright?"

 

Grantaire bitterly ignored the way his heart skipped with excitement upon seeing the other. "Not quite, but I'll survive. Shouldn't have come, really…" He takes a long drag, trying his best to offer up a chuckle, but it came out as just a pitiful noise. "When did you get here, anyway?" 

 

Enjolras laughs a bit. "Approximately two to three minutes ago, maybe. I worked late but I figured I had better catch the tail end of this thing to appease Courfeyrac. I really caught the tail end though because when I came in he was devouring Ferre's face and that dreadfully somber song was blaring and people had confetti cannons and...it was overstimulating to say the least." 

R laughs quietly as he listens to the other man. "You don't like Auld Lang Syne either, then?" 

 

"It's quite terrible, isn't it?" Enjolras laughs, shoving his hands in the pockets of his peacoat, breathy laugh visible in the cloud caused by the temperature.

 

"It is. It's fucking…depressing. Just…" R averts his eyes from admiring the blonde for too long, and when he looks back up he finds sincere eyes that seemed to be telling him to go on and concerned ears listening to him. His heart skips another beat and he once again averts his eyes, carrying on with his smoke while he ponders the next words he was going to say. He decided to be honest, because fuck it. "Just that stupid song playing as you're surrounded by dozens of people who're…so much fucking happier than you. They're celebrating and kissing and…I have none of that. None of it. Nobody to share a kiss with, no hope for the future. Not an ounce of whatever that euphoria is that they're all sucked into. And I just want to have a few drinks to loosen up. Can't do that, obviously. I mean, I tried to leave but I was honest with myself and knew that if I walked home, with what mental shape I'm in, I'd greatly risk breaking my sobriety. So I didn't. I would have gotten a cab but I don't have the fucking money because my fucking art can't make the fucking money because I guess it just fucking sucks, I…I don't know. And besides, why would I want to be alone anyway? With myself? Absolutely not! So I just came out here because I figured I could least have a pity party of my own." 

 

Enjolras listens and though he'd heard Grantaire rant before the honesty and pain in the man's words and written all over his face were evident now more than ever. "R, you shouldn't be so negative. Things are going to be good for you this year, things are going to be different." 

 

Grantaire looks over at him, and for some reason he almost believes it. "Some years I tell myself that..." He says cynically, flicking the end of his smoke and watching the ashes fall. "But it's never true."

"You'll be okay, you know that, right?" Enjolras says softly. He says it with a softness so soft that it felt like sand paper to Grantaire in it's unfamiliarity. "Even in the unlikely event that you can't make ends meet or you break your sobriety you know you have a whole team of us that love you and are rooting for you, and we'll never leave you or let you be homeless or starve. Grantaire, you're a good man. A lot better than you think."

 

"My 'team' is in there sucking each other's faces off like Dawn Of The goddamn Dead." R jokes, trying to stall as he processes the rest of leader's words. Usually he'd blow anyone off who was encouraging him as lip service, or simply disingenuous. He could never believe it no matter how hard he tried. But this was different, he believed in Enjolras and his words. The man was not a liar. Grantaire is pulled from his thoughts as the other man speaks again.

"And it's okay, by the way, I don't have a New Year's Eve kiss either." Enjolras laughs genuinely, shaking his head.

"That never helps the loneliness factor." R laughs, putting out his cigarette now as he knew Enjolras didn't smoke and was probably not enjoying the slight breeze that occasionally carried smoke in his direction.

 

"R, would…" Enjolras starts but he stops, hesitating for a moment before speaking confidently. "R, would you like to be my New Year's Eve kiss?

 

Grantaire almost chokes, looking up at him again. "What the fuck…" He whispers in disbelief and the other man instantly turns red, full of regret. 

 

"No, yeah, nevermind. I…I apol-" Enj starts but is cut off. 

"No, it's okay! It just took me by surprise. Yes. I'd…I'd love to be your kiss if you don't mind the fact that I taste like an ashtray." He replies sheepishly, regretting that night when he took up smoking as a fourteen year old.

 

"I've kissed worse." Enjolras laughs, swiping a golden curl off his forehead and smiling brightly. He leans in, searching R's face for assurance. He couldn't believe this was happening.

 

Grantaire very hesitantly closes the space between them, pressing his lips gently to the leader's. He feels a hand come to rest on his cheek and if he wasn't convinced he was dreaming before he sure is now. He couldn't believe this was happening. 

After a few moments they finally break the kiss, both unable to control the smiles on their faces.

"Happy New Year, Enjolras." 

"Happy New Year, Grantaire. Everything's gonna be okay and if…if you ever need anything you call, alright?" Enj smiles gently, and that was good enough for Grantaire. Somehow that kiss, those words, and that smile made him believe that this year really would be different. "Thanks for being my New Years Eve kiss, by the way." 

These words were a shock. "You're thanking me?" R questions him, genuinely laughing. 

"Oh, hush. You know, you really are not as bad or ugly or as wretched as you think. It's time you start to believe different. Yes, I am thanking you because I count it a privilege to kiss you." Enjolras states, and he would have sounded like the perfect representative for eloquence had his voice not shaken a bit. He was nervous and R could tell. "You don't give yourself enough credit. Sure, I may say you're an annoyance but I like that you challenge my beliefs. You keep me on my toes, and you do actually bring some logical and very valid arguments to the table sometimes. I appreciate it." 

"It doesn't seem like it." R replies, still laughing but now to cover up his slight discomfort, shock, and feelings for the tall leader by his side. 

"That's because you hurt my pride." Enjolras laughs, joining with him. "But I'd never admit that." 

"Oh no, of course not." The other agrees, grinning like a fool. "And thank you, by the way, for being my New Years Eve kiss." 

"Any time." Enj smiles, accepting the returned thanks. 

"Any time what?" Grantaire laughs, really needing clarification for that one. 

"Any time you need a kiss." He replies with a shrug, mustering up the bravery to say it. It wasn't typical for him to not speak boldly and unafraid, but this sort of thing is something that he's never spoken out loud.

R doesn't reply at first, blushing furiously. The sounds coming from inside the apartment overwhelm the silence suddenly. "Do you know that I like you? Like…a lot?" He asks him bluntly. Surely one of their friends must have told him and that was only pity kiss. In Grantaire's mind that was the only explanation. 

Enjolras raises an eyebrow but chuckles at the same time. Okay, so it was his turn to be surprised now. "Uhm…no. Not until just seconds ago. But…I like you too, R."

"Wait, really?" R glances at him skeptically.

"Well yes. You think I'd listen to just anyone's unabating cavils as long as I have yours?"

R laughs along with Enjolras and the two are quiet for a long while, looking over Paris at midnight, which wasn't nearly as charming as it sounded. Nevertheless, there was something about the muffled sounds of yelling, Beyoncé's "7/11" blaring from inside Courfeyrac and Combeferre's apartment, and the smell of cigarette smoke that still lingered that gave Grantaire a feeling of peace. He suddenly feels that euphoria that everyone seems to be.

Later in the night Enjolras drives him home after dropping off several of their too-plastered-to-drive friends. Enjolras could tell it was hard for R to be around that strong smell of alcohol, and he reaches over and takes the man's hand. Grantaire smiles shyly before looking over at him for a moment, Enjolras smiles too. They hold hands the rest of the ride. 

R leans over and quickly kisses the blonde's cheek before getting out of the car. "See you at the meeting on Tuesday."

Enjolras can't help but blush a bit, not expecting that gesture at all, let alone from Grantaire. "Yeah, I'll see you." He smiles and after a short pause adds, "Hey, 'Taire! It's going to be a good year…"

"Yeah, it is..." Grantaire grins, waving goodbye to him and walking towards his building. He believed it.


End file.
